recipe: green juice

So. We planted kale. Just some little innocent kale seeds from a little innocent kale seed packet; thoughtlessly, naively. Kale. It just sounds so healthy. Like, you know, a super food. Like acai (how the eff do you pronounce that word) and salmon (secretly I hate salmon, shut up). We’ll plant kale! And shove big handfuls of leafy greens into our mouths! And then have super food super powers!

The kale got really big. And then went to seed. And then little kale plants sprouted up obtrusively in walkways and other peoples’ plots. It was a kale invasion. Then the garden got a stinkbug infestation, and the lovely old man who helps us manage the grounds sent an email with a list of plants that often attract hordes of stinkbugs. Top of the list: kale.

It’s gone now. Stinking up in the giant compost heap, laid to peaceful rest at last. At least, we sure feel more at peace. No more cloudy burden of how-the-hell-will-we-eat-all-this-kale hanging over our heads.

Green juice is just the epitome of trendy health food these days. And people seem to love it, but I am 90% certain that 90% of the time, 90% of those people actually hate it. Because it is disgusting. We even poured one batch out in the bushes because it was just not stomachable (<- not a word, I know). But it’s kinda The Thing To Do with kale – it uses up so many stalks at once! – so we soldiered on.

But then, after some trial and error, this magical little combination occurred. AND. IT. WAS. ACTUALLY. GOOD. Fresh citrus, sharp ginger, mellow honeydew, and… kale? What kale?

You’re welcome.

Actually Good Green Juice

Ingredients:

• 1 bunch of kale
• 15 baby carrots
• 1 small slice of lemon
• 1 pear
• ½ large cucumber
• ½ cup chopped honeydew melon
• ½ tsp-ish slice of fresh ginger

Directions:

Throw it all in a juicer!

Sip slowly.

Feel healthy and trendy and smug.

Grab a mirror to make sure your teeth don’t look green.

Eat some cookies.